How to Explore Kinks in an Open Relationship
Open relationships come with a reputation for freedom and exploration — but that doesn’t mean they’re automatically easy when it comes to kink.
You might have multiple partners with different limits. You might worry about jealousy or safety. Or maybe you and your partner want to try a new dynamic together while also seeing others.
Good news: exploring kinks in an open relationship is absolutely possible, and can even strengthen your bonds — if you do it with communication, care, and consent.
Here’s your guide to talking about, planning, and enjoying kink in a non-monogamous dynamic without losing trust or emotional safety.
✅ 1. Get Honest About Your Interests
Before bringing in anyone else, you (and your primary partner, if you have one) need to get clear about:
- What you want to try — e.g., bondage, roleplay, impact play
- Why you’re drawn to it — for connection? Novelty? Personal growth?
- Where it fits in your relationship — with one partner only? With others too?
This self-reflection helps you own your desires without shame and talk about them confidently.
If you’re struggling to pin down interests, consider using a Yes/Maybe/No BDSM Checklist to figure out limits and curiosities together.
✅ 2. Prioritise Open, Non-Judgemental Conversations
Kink and open relationships both demand transparent communication.
- Discuss specific interests or fantasies openly.
- Share any fears, concerns, or past triggers.
- Set expectations about what’s OK with other partners.
According to Relate, talking openly about sex, desires, and boundaries is one of the best ways to build trust with your partner.”
That goes double in non-monogamy, where clarity can prevent jealousy and confusion before it starts.
✅ 3. Define Boundaries for Your Relationship
Boundaries aren’t about control — they’re about protecting all partners’ comfort and trust.
Questions to discuss:
- Are certain kinks just for you two, or fair game with others?
- How much detail do you want to share after external play?
- Do you want veto power over certain activities?
- How will you check in about emotional safety?
This ensures everyone feels respected and reduces the chance of accidental hurt.
✅ 4. Talk About Safety and Risk-Awareness
Kink often involves physical and emotional risks — from rope marks to subspace. In an open setup, there are extra layers:
- STI safety: Barrier use, regular testing, honest communication
- Consent clarity: Every partner involved should know and agree to the kink
- Physical safety: Safe words, safe signals, first aid knowledge
Using our Safewords vs Safe Signals Guide can help you set up clear communication even during intense scenes.
✅ 5. Include All Partners in Negotiation (As Needed)
If you’re playing with multiple people, you might need to negotiate with each:
- Make sure everyone’s limits are respected.
- Don’t assume what’s OK with one partner is OK with another.
- Avoid surprises — tell people in advance if you want to explore a specific dynamic with them.
This isn’t just polite — it’s essential for consent.
✅ 6. Be Honest About Jealousy and Emotional Needs
Yes, even seasoned poly and open folks can feel jealous. Adding kink — especially intense dynamics like D/s — can heighten those feelings.
- Check in before and after play.
- Be transparent if something stings.
- Offer aftercare — not just during scenes, but for relationship emotions.
If jealousy is new territory, our Trust-Building Exercises for Kinky Couples can help strengthen your communication skills together.
✅ 7. Embrace Flexibility
Non-monogamy and kink both thrive on adaptability.
Maybe a boundary will shift after trying something once. Maybe a partner will discover a new limit.
The key? Stay open to renegotiation. Don’t treat rules as set in stone forever — treat them as living agreements you revisit with care.
❓ FAQ: Exploring Kinks in Open Relationships
Is it OK to have certain kinks only with one partner?
Absolutely. That’s what boundaries are for. It’s fine to reserve specific play for one dynamic if you both agree.
How do we avoid jealousy?
You can’t always avoid it — but you can manage it. Honest communication, agreed boundaries, and regular check-ins are key.
Should we tell other partners about our kinks?
If you plan to explore those kinks with them, yes! Consent and safety rely on clear, upfront negotiation.
Can kink strengthen an open relationship?
Yes. Done well, it builds trust, self-awareness, and deeper connection. The key is prioritising consent and care for all involved.
Final Thoughts: Communication Is the Kinkiest Superpower
Exploring kink in an open relationship is absolutely possible — and can be an incredibly rewarding journey.
But it asks you to be vulnerable. To negotiate carefully. To own your desires without shame, and respect your partners enough to hear theirs.
It’s not about having no rules. It’s about making intentional ones — together.
If you’re ready to explore, our Beginner BDSM Collection features safe, body-friendly toys and gear designed to support respectful, communicative play, whatever your relationship structure.