How to Introduce Sex Toys into Your Relationship
Talking about sex toys with a partner can feel a little daunting — even in the most open relationships. But when done right, it can lead to more pleasure, stronger intimacy, and a deeper understanding of each other’s desires.
In this guide, we’ll walk you through how to introduce sex toys into your relationship in a way that feels natural, respectful, and exciting — even if it’s your very first conversation about them.
Why Bother? The Real Benefits of Sex Toys in a Relationship
Sex toys aren't just for solo sessions — they can completely change how you connect with your partner, inside and outside the bedroom. Here's why more UK couples are exploring them together:
- Boost pleasure and explore sensations you can't achieve manually
- Improve communication around needs and preferences
- Overcome routine and add variety to your sex life
- Reduce pressure on performance (especially helpful post-partum, during menopause, or with ED)
Still unsure? Our Beginner’s Guide to Vibrators explains how toys can enhance comfort and confidence, especially if you're new to them.
Step-by-Step: How to Bring Up Sex Toys with Your Partner
1. Pick the Right Time
Avoid starting the conversation in the heat of the moment or during an argument. Instead, bring it up when you're both relaxed — maybe over dinner at home or while cuddled up on the sofa.
Try something simple like:
"I read something interesting today about couples using toys together — have you ever thought about trying one?"
2. Make It About Shared Pleasure
Focus on both of you, not just your own desires. Say things like:
"I think it could be really fun for us to explore some new things together."
This shows it’s not about “fixing” anything — it’s about enhancing what’s already working.
3. Start Small
Begin with something non-intimidating. A compact bullet vibrator, a vibrating ring, or even a silky blindfold can be a gentle introduction. You don't need to dive straight into kink gear or complex devices.
4. Be Open and Listen
Your partner may have questions or hesitations — that's normal. Listen without judgement and give them time to process. You’re building trust, not rushing toward a shopping basket.
Choosing the Right First Toy Together
If your partner’s on board, make choosing the toy part of the fun.
Great first toys for couples include:
- Bullet vibrators – discreet and great for clitoral or external play
- Vibrating cock rings – shared pleasure during penetrative sex
- Remote-controlled toys – adds playfulness and intimacy
- Silky bondage kits – soft blindfolds or ties for sensory exploration
Explore our Best Sex Toys for Couples guide for tried-and-tested picks, with something for every comfort level.
Tips to Make It a Positive Experience
- Take your time – there's no rush to use a toy right away
- Use lube – it enhances sensation and reduces any awkward friction
- Laugh if it gets awkward – it's normal! Focus on fun, not perfection
- Talk after – ask what they liked and what they’d try next time
Want to make sure your new toy lasts? Our Sex Toy Cleaning Guide covers how to clean and store them safely.
❓ FAQ: Introducing Sex Toys in a Relationship
What if my partner feels embarrassed?
Reassure them it’s not about dissatisfaction — it’s about exploring together. Keep the conversation light and pressure-free.
Should I try a toy alone first?
You can! It might help you feel more confident discussing it if you know what you like. Just be honest about your experience when you share.
Are sex toys only for people with problems in the bedroom?
Not at all. Many couples use them to enhance an already satisfying sex life, not fix a problem.
What’s the best first toy for nervous partners?
Try a small, quiet bullet vibrator or a soft vibrating ring. They’re non-threatening and easy to use without a learning curve.
Final Thoughts: It’s About Connection, Not Just Toys
Introducing sex toys into your relationship isn’t about being “kinky” — it’s about connection, communication, and confidence. When done with respect and curiosity, it can open the door to more satisfying sex, deeper trust, and even better conversation in the bedroom and beyond.
Want to start slow? Browse our full Beginner-Friendly Couples Toys to find toys designed with new experiences in mind.