How to Introduce Toys Into a Long-Term Relationship
Even the healthiest relationships can fall into sexual routines — and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But if you’re looking to shake things up, explore new sensations, or reignite some spark, sex toys can be a powerful tool to reconnect both physically and emotionally.
That said, bringing a vibrator or stroker into a relationship — especially a long-term one — can feel a little daunting.
Will they feel threatened? Will it change the dynamic? Will it be awkward?
In this guide, we’ll show you how to introduce toys into your relationship in a way that feels natural, exciting, and mutual — whether you’ve been together a year or a decade.
Why Couples Add Toys in Long-Term Relationships
It’s not about replacing anyone or fixing something that’s broken. It’s about:
- Adding novelty and variety
- Deepening intimacy
- Exploring new fantasies together
- Supporting mismatched libidos or new phases (like parenthood or menopause)
In fact, couples who use sex toys together often report higher satisfaction, better communication, and more frequent intimacy.
Step 1: Shift the Conversation Around Toys
Don’t frame it as:
“We need toys because something’s wrong.”
Instead, try:
“I saw something fun we could try together – want to check it out with me?”
Be light, open, and non-judgmental. Use “we” language. Bring it up during a relaxed moment — not mid-argument or right before sex.
You can even browse our Beginner-Friendly Couples Toys together and treat it like a cheeky online shopping adventure.
Step 2: Start with Mutual Curiosity
Rather than jumping to intense kink gear or complex devices, start with options that are:
- Versatile and non-threatening (think bullet vibes, massage wands, wearable rings)
- Designed for both of you — like toys for external stimulation during penetration
- Easy to use with no complicated setup
Explore our Couples’ Vibrators Collection for simple, body-safe toys made with shared pleasure in mind.
Step 3: Keep It Comfortable and Collaborative
Let your partner handle the toy. Let them use it on you. Or vice versa.
The goal is not to rush to orgasm — it’s to explore something new, together.
Tips:
- Set the mood — low lighting, warm space, no pressure
- Use plenty of lube (our Lube for Toy Play Guide explains which to choose)
- Focus on communication: what feels good, what’s new, what you’d like to try next
What If They’re Unsure (or Say No)?
That’s okay. Not everyone’s ready right away — or at all. If your partner feels nervous:
- Reassure them it’s not a replacement
- Offer to try it on your own first and share how it feels
- Respect their boundaries — you can revisit the topic later
According to Relate, the UK's leading relationship charity, honest conversations about sex, desires, and boundaries are key to a healthy long-term relationship.
Toy Types That Work Well in Long-Term Relationships
| Toy Type | Why It Works |
| Couples’ Vibrators | Designed to wear during sex — minimal disruption |
| Remote-Control Toys | Great for teasing and play beyond the bedroom |
| Massage Wands | Perfect for sensual massage and foreplay |
| Sleeves/Strokers | Help with stamina, solo play, and mutual fun |
| Bullet Vibrators | Simple, effective, and easy to add in during sex |
❓ FAQ: Toys in Long-Term Relationships
Will my partner feel threatened by a toy?
It depends — but most concerns stem from a lack of communication. Frame toys as additions, not replacements.
What if we have different libidos?
Toys can bridge the gap — whether through solo play, mutual fun, or rediscovering intimacy together.
Are toys only for “spicing things up”?
Not at all. They’re also useful during life transitions — menopause, post-childbirth, stress, or illness.
Do we need to go to a sex shop together?
Nope. Start online, browse privately or together, and take it at your own pace.
Final Thoughts: Pleasure is a Shared Journey
Introducing toys into a long-term relationship isn’t about fixing something broken — it’s about evolving together.
Whether you're navigating life changes, looking to boost intimacy, or just craving some new excitement, toys can offer pleasure, exploration, and connection in equal measure.
Start small, stay open, and most importantly — have fun discovering what you both enjoy.
Explore our full Couples Toy Collection and turn your next night in into something unexpectedly thrilling.