How to Talk About Masturbation with a Partner
Masturbation is one of the most normal, healthy parts of sexual life — solo or partnered. But for many couples, talking about it can feel awkward, vulnerable, or even taboo.
Maybe you're worried your partner will feel hurt or jealous. Maybe you’re embarrassed to admit you do it at all. Or perhaps you want to share fantasies and turn solo play into a shared exploration, but don’t know how to bring it up.
Whatever the reason, opening this conversation can deepen trust, improve intimacy, and remove unnecessary shame. Here’s your guide to talking about masturbation with your partner — in a way that feels respectful, connecting, and safe.
Why This Conversation Matters
Masturbation isn’t a sign something’s wrong with your sex life. In fact, many couples who talk openly about solo play:
- Feel more comfortable sharing desires
- Experience less performance pressure
- Enjoy more satisfying partnered sex
- Build emotional safety and trust
In other words, honesty about masturbation is good for your relationship.
If you're looking to strengthen that trust further, our Trust-Building Exercises for Kinky Couples offers great tips even for non-kinky dynamics.
✅ 1. Start By Checking Your Own Feelings
Before you bring it up, ask yourself:
- What do I want to share? (e.g., that you do it, how often, what you enjoy)
- What am I afraid they’ll think?
- Why do I want to talk about this?
Getting clear helps you approach the conversation with intention and self-awareness.
If you find you're feeling shame, our How to Explore Your Pleasure Without Shame guide can help you work through some of those internal barriers first.
✅ 2. Pick the Right Moment
Avoid dropping this conversation in the middle of an argument or during sex unless you both enjoy spontaneous, raw chats.
Instead, choose a low-pressure moment:
- A quiet evening on the sofa
- A walk together
- After a gentle, vulnerable chat about your relationship
The goal is to create safety for both of you.
✅ 3. Use “I” Statements
This is one of the best communication tips in any relationship, but it’s especially important for sexual topics.
Instead of:
“You don’t give me enough sex so I have to masturbate.”
Try:
“I really enjoy touching myself sometimes. It helps me relax and learn about my body.”
“I” statements reduce defensiveness and make your partner feel included, not blamed.
✅ 4. Normalise It
Many people carry the misconception that masturbation is secret, shameful, or somehow "cheating."
Reassure your partner:
- “This isn’t about replacing you — it’s something I do for myself.”
- “Lots of people in healthy relationships masturbate too.”
- “It actually helps me figure out what feels good so I can tell you.”
This framing can turn something taboo into something normal.
If you want to go deeper, our Sexual Empowerment Through Toys post explores how toys and solo exploration can support sexual confidence and partnered communication.
✅ 5. Invite Them Into the Conversation
If you’re ready (and if they’re willing), masturbation doesn’t have to stay solo.
Try asking:
- “Do you ever touch yourself?”
- “What do you like when you do?”
- “Would you want to watch each other sometime?”
Mutual sharing can turn vulnerability into connection — and even open the door to new, exciting fantasies together.
✅ 6. Be Ready for Their Reaction
Even if you do everything “right,” your partner might react with:
- Surprise
- Embarrassment
- Insecurity or jealousy
That doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. These reactions are often about cultural conditioning, not you.
If this happens:
- Stay calm.
- Listen without interrupting.
- Validate their feelings without backtracking on your own needs.
You’re both allowed to feel vulnerable here. That’s how trust is built.
✅ 7. Keep the Conversation Going
This isn’t a “one and done” chat.
Sexual communication is a practice. You might circle back in the days or weeks after, check in on how they’re feeling, or discuss how to incorporate mutual masturbation or toys.
If you’re curious about next steps, our How to Introduce Sex Toys into Your Relationship blog has actionable tips on expanding from solo to shared play.
❓ FAQ: Talking About Masturbation with Your Partner
Will my partner think I don’t want them?
Not if you explain it well! Emphasise it’s about self-care and learning, not replacing them.
What if they’re really uncomfortable?
Go slow. Let them share feelings. Sometimes you need more than one conversation — that’s OK.
Should I tell them everything about what I do?
Only what you’re comfortable sharing. Start with the basics and see how the conversation flows.
Can talking about masturbation improve our sex life?
Absolutely. It can help you both understand what you like, reduce pressure, and encourage trying new things together.
Final Thoughts: Turning Vulnerability into Intimacy
Talking about masturbation with a partner can feel scary — but it’s one of the most caring, intimate conversations you can have.
It’s about saying:
“I trust you enough to share this part of me.”
“I want you to know what feels good for me.”
“I want us to explore this together, with honesty and curiosity.”
Whether you keep solo play private or decide to share it, the real gift is openness — the foundation for all truly satisfying sexual connection.
Ready to explore solo play more confidently? Browse our Solo Confidence Collection for beginner-friendly toys and guides designed to make self-pleasure feel empowered, comfortable, and completely yours.